Trailblazin Ministries Blog

Ministry

Spiritual Fatigue

Written by LaRosa Johnson
Saturday, 07 July 2007
Filed under: Faith, Ministry

As the primary person for the ministry, I take a lot on my shoulders. I basically run the entire show myself, with little to no help from anyone else, other than my reviewers (that I truly thank the Lord for); I am the webmaster, developer, designer, content manager, forum administrator, teacher, writer, and anything else you can think of. Even though, to many, this may look like just a website, it truly is ministry and I treat it as such. I make sure that everything I do is done with dedication and desire, and that it is done with the greatest since of excellence that I can possibly give to it. In other words, I give well over 110% when doing this site, it's more like 200%. Even with that, I realize on a daily basis that there is a lot more that can be done to further this ministry, but I also realize that I am only one man and do not have an infinite amount of resources at my disposal to make things happen.

It is with that in mind that I am writing this tonight, because I must admit that I am spiritually fatigued. Yes, I do a lot, but it truly puts a burden on me and if I'm not careful I can get burned out pretty quickly, like I am now. One thing that I have noticed since moving to Texas is that my time seems to have diminished, even though I get home earlier than I did at my previous jobs in North Carolina. It just seems like by time I get home, it's time to eat dinner, give the kids baths and put them to bed, and then rest and go to bed myself. Where does time in the Word and just enjoying the comfort of the Lord come into play? I had thought about early mornings, but I already get up around 5 am every morning, and I can't imagine getting up much earlier without feeling sleep deprived. In the evenings, it's much of the same because by time things have settled down I'm either too tired to want to dig into the Word (and I don't want to do it if I'm not going to be physically attentive, as my mind is just as important as my spirit in regard to studying the Scriptures), or my wife, Robin, wants to spend time with me. It's truly a dilemma that I need to figure out a solution to. Right now, I'm pretty much cramming it in when I can without trying to take away time from my family, which is a hard thing to do without having them complain, especially Robin.

It is because I am always trying to cram things into my schedule and then do more, that I can quickly get burned out. It seems like so much of my time in the Word is to prepare something for others that I really don't get the chance to let things sink in for myself. I will say that this study in James has been fruitful to me and has really been a blessing. I'm not sure how the readership feels about it, but I am enjoying the systematic study of the texts, as it gives me focus each time I come to the Bible, instead of randomly finding a passage or topic to write about. It gives me something to look forward to and it is allowing me to brush up on my exegetical skills. But nevertheless, I do too much and it wears me out. Seriously, I will get to the point where I'm just physically and spiritually worn out and do not have the desire to open my Bible to go into a time of study. I am aware that this is dangerous because it produces a habit of slothfulness towards the things of God, which I do not want. I should be able to go into the Word daily, regardless of how I feel, and enjoy my time there, even if it does kick my butt. In a sense, I feel like this should be related to sports. I didn't always feel like going to practice, but if I didn't go to practice and keep in shape, then I was off when it came time to actually play the game. I don't want that kind of thing to happen to me with my time in the Word.

On the other hand, I do realize that I need times of rest. Even as an athlete, I needed days off here and there so that my body could rest, recuperate, and re-energize itself. That is when I am reminded of the Sabbath and how the Lord desires for us to find rest. I even remember when God said that the sabbath was made for man (so that we could rest), and not we for the sabbath. It is with that in mind, that I am now taking little steps towards relieving myself of some of my duties by having someone else step in and do them. Like, I'm starting by having one of my most tenured reviewers become the head of that "department" so that I don't have to play as big a role anymore. I am also working towards making sure that I take one day a week to not do anything concerning the website or ministry, which will most likely be Saturday (and maybe even Sundays too, since I'm busy with church); that way, I can focus all of my efforts into the site Monday through Friday, and rest on the weekends, unless absolutely necessary.

I know that I'm off on a bit of a tangent, it seems, but at least this is making sense to me in my head. I know that I am spiritually fatigued and I can see the reasons why I am. It is up to me to do something about it to make sure that it doesn't happen again. I do know that I cannot allow my time with the Lord to suffer as a result of my fatigue, and that I just sometimes need to grind it out like Jesus did, even when He was trying to find rest from the crowds. That's the call of being in ministry and something that I am training for now. Fatigue or no fatigue, I have to be prepared and equipped at all times to do the things of the Lord. Amen? Amen...